Sunday, January 25, 2009

Suck on This Nimby's: Venting an Underground Parking Garage... South Slope Style.


Here's one way to euthanize those pesky NIMBY's, >>> Position your underground parking garage's Carbon Monoxide vent so it exhausts directly into their back yards.
"Hey property developers, your hostile gadfly neighbors won't, better yet, can't dial those 311 complaint calls to the DOB when they are constantly being distracted by severe headaches, burning eyes, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, mental confusion and disorientation."

Carbon monoxide can be the perfect final solution to a developers NIMBY nightmares, as persons may not recognize drowsiness as a symptom of poisoning. Consequently, someone with mild poisoning can go to sleep and continue to breathe the carbon monoxide until severe poisoning or death occurs. Some people with long-standing, mild carbon monoxide poisoning caused by furnaces, heaters, or automobile exhaust for example, may mistake their symptoms for other conditions, such as the flu or other viral infections.
*Bonus LEED Points* Gently coaxing people into comas by efficiently reusing recycled CO gas can be considered a "green" building method.

False Hopes and Illusions are a lot like a colorless, odorless gas...

You would be surprised to find someone just a couple of mortgage payments away from owning outright a tiny slice of The American Dream Pie, making plans to wrap their lips around the end of a smoking tail pipe in the style of Mr.Willy Loman. But then again, you never know what unwanted surprises await just over that backyard plywood construction fence.
Armory Heights Plaza, LLC, (or what ever they are calling themselves this week), is the developer behind this magnificent 406 15th Street apartment building with its three levels of subterranean parking. They humbly appear to be reminding the poor folks at 397 16th Street just how temporal life can be. There's going to be some 200,000 cubic feet of air pouring out of that big shiny asshole and into their backyard garden of Eden several times an hour, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. That's life challenging change for you.
"Let me know if you are beginning to feel a little flu-ish... neighbor."

Nutty restaurant type squirrel cage blower with motor. If the CO doesn't kill you the constant noise bouncing off all that concrete and brick certainly will ruin what remains of your quality of life.

Windows to planned Armory Plaza cellar level ambulatory health center/dooms day cult headquarters directly below CO exhaust vent. Private patio terrace for ground floor apartments with sliding glass doors just a few feet away. Entire backyard area surrounded and enclosed by cinder block perimeter bubble wall.

DoB Paternity Tested.
In 2005, Virgin Mother Susan Hinkson was right there during the conception, Magdi Mossad, well, let's consider him the absentee Father of the Year for 2007, and now it looks like Commissioner Derek Lee '09 will be playing the role of new Step Dad, stuck with trying to discipline our little no neck monster after the fact.
Is he up to the challenge?

View recent Buildings Department inspections on the 14th of January as the building prepares for its Certificate of Occupancy.

Bricolaged Professionally self-certified amended plans approved as recently as the 22nd of January.

All Buildings Department violations suddenly *Dismissed* on January 14th, 2009.

All Environmental Control Board Violations now marked *Dismissed or Affidavit Accepted* without any fines being collected.


Anonymous said...

This is horrible! The original plan had some sort of green space in the back and the exhaust was on some sort of pillon in the green area I seem to remember. I don't live near here at all but have friends who lived in a house on 16th backing this hideous building mess.

What can you do to remedy the situation? Shouldn't the exhaust have been vented to their roof line? I know they can get away with venting a garage like this, but is it too close to the property line per code?

Juggler314 said...

Just put up a plywood wall there, the back pressure should be enough to make that motor burn up often enough that they'll reposition.

hard to toll just how close that outlet is to your property, but if it's right at the property line, you could create some serious pressure issues...